


Don't Leave Me

by AceLucky



Category: Tenkuu no Escaflowne | The Vision of Escaflowne
Genre: Big Brothers, Caring, Complex relationships, Depression, Dysfunctional Family, Eries is hanging around with Allen a lot, F/M, Family, Implied Gaddes/Celena, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Internal Conflict, Looking after others, Memory Loss, Pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-19
Updated: 2016-06-19
Packaged: 2018-07-16 02:17:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7248133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceLucky/pseuds/AceLucky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set post series, Dilandau is struggling with coming to terms with who he is, there's a voice in his head and memories that he feels doesn't belong to them. Allen, Gaddes and Eries find Celena in an upsetting situation as a result.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Leave Me

**Author's Note:**

> After sucking the life out of Gaddes (wait that sounds wrong…) after writing a lot of fanfiction/drabbles/head-canons surrounding Gaddes I figured it was about time I wrote something Esca related about one of my other original favourite characters, Dilandau. 
> 
> This piece is a little depressing I guess, but I was always fascinated by his character and that of Celena and what would happen post series. I figured there would be relapses and a lot of pain/confusion regarding identity and so I wrote this one-shot/drabble. Slight warning for self destructive behaviour etc. I hope I’ve managed to make this make sense when I switch between Dilandau’s thoughts and then the others seeing Celena. 
> 
> Also Gaddes ended up in this at the end, I didn’t intend for it to happen but he was just there with Allen and Eries and once I wrote him in to it I liked it a lot so left him where he is. But mostly this is about Dilandau/Celena and focuses on internal struggle. 
> 
> I rated this as mature due to the implied self-destruction/harm. I haven't tagged a relationship as I don't feel that's applicable, though it's implied Celena trusts Gaddes and there's some amusement/comfort though maybe not romantic or sexual. I've amended this slightly to fit in with my Gaddes/Eries head canons and post series thoughts.

“Cheek, cheek, cheek,” Dilandau drawled slowly. Every time he repeated the word he spoke slower. His dagger nearly piercing his skin again, forcing blood from the fresh wound to the surface, it was a dull ache, one that had become a part of his being, familiar like an old friend.

Dilandau said he wanted peace, the cruel slaps he gave each of his Dragon Slayers demonstrated as much. Only Dilandau was an incredibly talented liar when it came to his impressionable men. Things were always one of two ways with him, straight forward and honest or confused as if he were in a daze, unsure of his motives. That was when the lies came, unyielding, so thick and fast that even he was unable to distinguish the truth.

Once there had been only silence and he had hated that and now there was too much noise in the world. He’d rather the noise. The palm of his hand still stung where he’d slapped Gatti, a sweet sting, a reminder he wasn’t alone, there had been a moment no matter how fleeting when he’d been connected to another.

Alone, alone, alone, I am not alone.

There was a boy once, a boy almost like a girl, beautiful and elegant, yet strong, with the longest blond hair. A boy, Brother?

He heard laughter, unsure of whether it was his own or not he glanced nervously around the room. An echo from the past perhaps.

“Cheek, cheek, cheek,” he whispered. That was years ago. The blood had long since dried, the scar faded into the tapestry of the past. He was trapped inside another.

He screamed out into the void, confusion taking a hold of him, “Jakuka?” No, he imagined he had screamed it. In reality he spoke timidly, it was a trick he’d play to soothe the ache. He’d purposefully ask for the one he trusted quietly, he’d say his name so low so that had Jakuka been alive he’d of never heard him anyway. If he shouted the name and there was no response then Dilandau would know the truth of what had transpired.

Dilandau sat on the end of the soft bed, staring into the gold gilded mirror on the wall, the face staring back at him was a friend from long ago, a form he barely recognised.

“Who I am?” He cried reaching out to the glass, grasping for unobtainable answers. “Who am I?” He repeated his voice louder now. His body started to shake and tremble as he came to realise just how long ago his cheek had been cut by Van. The dagger that had been scraping his cheek a moment ago was nothing but his own finger. Sweat pooled at the peak of his brow, he felt cold and hot all at once, wished to be free of his clothes so he could breathe. He fumbled with the dress, fumbled with the complex fabric. Exasperated he fell onto his knees, head bent downwards, pain surging through his veins as anger erupted through him.

“Who am I?” He screamed as he lunged forward and smashed his fist into the mirror, tears streaking down his face, his cheeks reddened.

Catching his reflection in the shards of glass, a playful smile appeared accompanied by childish laughter as he watched his blood splash to the ground. 

He curled up like a foetus, wishing for death, hoping for rebirth. His tears subsided and he felt nothing but the cold.

He heard the footsteps; Dilandau of old would have stood his ground, taken alms, but now he lay still and waited for it to all be over.

He heard the door burst open, footsteps entering his sanctuary, a familiar voice shouting, “Celena!”

Dilandau didn’t look up, “Allen Schezar,” he muttered sardonically as a spark of his old self flickered inside.

Eries and Gaddes entered behind the grief stricken Allen who was just staring, pinned to the ground in horror. Eries gave a small gasp and rested her hand on Allen’s shoulder in support. Gaddes was unable to help the curse that slipped through his lips when he saw Celena’s bloodied hand, but sensing Allen’s inability to process what had happened, immediately crouched down by Celena.

Dilandau felt large hands under him, scooping him up into warm arms and chest. He was held tightly for a moment, he felt safe like a newly hatched bird in a nest. But the cold rushed in the moment he was laid down on the bed. He opened his eyes begging for the other to keep him close just a moment longer, to keep that contact. The kind, sun-kindled face stared down at him, eyes wide with sadness. “I’ve got you,” Gaddes spoke gently and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

Gaddes looked across his shoulder not letting go of Celena, he spoke in desperation,“Princess Eries she needs a nurse or doctor now,” he felt bad for asking this of her, but didn’t wish to leave Celena’s side. Both he and Eries had been so close to Allen in the process of helping Celena settle back in and regain memory, it had certainly taken it’s toll. He had been glad of the bond he had formed with the Princess even if in proper company it was not correct to show it.

Eries nodded, a reassuring smile to the one she was fast becoming attached to, “Of course I’ll find my sister,” she squeezed Allen’s shoulder and marched out of the room. 

Allen finally found the strength to move forward, “Oh Celena,” He sighed reaching out to stroke her her, “It’s okay, you’re home and we won’t let anything bad happen to you.”

In Gaddes’ arms and with Allen stroking his hair, Dilandau wanted to believe them. There was some part of him, instinct perhaps that told him he was safe here; they were friends, family even. But everything he knew was a lie and the only ones who tied him to the life he could remember were dead, near forgotten.

He squeezed his eyelids shut, trying to fight back the tears that threatened to flood once again. Trembling he spoke in a voice he did not recognise as his own , “Please,“ he stuttered, ashamed at his begging, "Don’t leave me alone.”


End file.
